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Episode 76: Is He Snek?
At some point in this episode, you'll hear a BEEP, and that is Emily derailing the podcast to eat her pizza. You'll also hear our Alt Shadow Rising Titles, our great Baz Luhrmann Circus Idea, and the return of Sally Googles Things.
Episode 77: This is Sad Bornhald
Episode 78: Emily Forgets the Word “Video”
Welcome to chapter one of The Shadow Rising! We're inventing Lesbian Chess, giving you an EHR make-up tutorial, and making sure you know Gawyn has a journal, NOT a diary. Remember: Don't do war crimes!
In this long episode (sorry), we're getting back to our roots! Sally has literary theory like intrusive fantasy and pathetic fallacy to discuss! Emily talks about the sequels to Gary Paulsen's "Hatchet" in excruciating detail! EHR's GREATEST HITS!
Episode 79: Post-Apocalyptic Knitwear
This episode has everything: serious questions, like, is Sir Ian McKellen whimsical? Less serious questions, like, is Perrin's nose a mood ring? There's literary analysis on the relative physicality of characters. Also: Perrin's hot??
Episode 80: Jugs and Meat
What do Nihilist D&D Characters, Responsible Horniness, The Road Less Traveled, and Lan's Rorschach Test of Silk all have in common? Absolutely nothing.
Episode 81: Jermathan Steelrod
Welcome to EHR After Dark ... and get ready for the Bad Porn Energy that is explored at LENGTH in chapters 7 and 8. We're Hetrified by Elayne's "Eye" Contact, delighted by Les-Egg, and grateful for Sex Ed with Sally. Hey, does juice have texture?
Episode 82: Elayne? Total Wifey
Thanks to Lanfear's reappearance, our coverage of chapters 9 and 10 takes us back to EHR sex ed. Welcome! We talk about Wandering Wombs, Super Sperm, Chastity and Chivalry, plus Detective Lan and The Dark One's Rubric.
Episode 83: Falafel Tinder
Do you believe that falafel is the most dangerous game? Do you think they should probably just CGI Galad? And that Robert Jordan might be a Highlander? Did you get your FLU SHOT? This episode, where we cover chapters 11 and 12, might be for you.
Episode 84: Run, Serena Williams of Battles
Three chapters in one episode! For chapters 13, 14, and 15, we argue on behalf of Equal Opportunity Sweat Tents, discuss Perrin and Faile's celebrity couple name (Ferret?), Mat's Fate Leash, and sign off with a Train Fainter.
Episode 85: Public Marriage Proposal Gun
Come for the perfect casting of Loial, stay for the erotic Maze Runner fantasies. In our coverage of chapters 16 and 17, Sally teaches us all about toxic monogamy, and Emily advocates for an alternate timeline where Thom goes to Rhuidean.
Episode 86: Gibbermast
Speaking of nipple chafing, you can learn a lot about a lot of things in our coverage of chapters 18, 19, and 20! You'll learn about Curly Boys, Metaphorical Basements, when the wind was invented, and how boats float! Emily also mispronounces every boat term that there is!
Episode 87: That’s WHY He’s the Dragon
In this episode, we discuss chapters 21 and 22. Sort of. Mostly, we ask a lot of questions, like: What does vibe check mean? Would Teen Narc make a good graphic novel? What does the "z" in "zaddy" stand for? And, hey, Sally? What's Boy Design?
Episode 88: Hammerhead-urabi’s Code
After some heavy editing, our Long Episode about chapters 23 and 24 is a reasonable length, and it's hear to education you about Debbie, the Archetypal Wife, Sniper No Sniping, Mat's Hierarchy of Needs, and Shark Law.
Episode 89: Covert Sexism Juice
This one's academic, y'all. To talk about chapters 25 and 26, Sally's taking us deep into cosmogony, the Universal Dad, and the power of perspective. And Emily's reminding us that women are EVIL and feminism is BAD. Are you taking NOTES?
Episode 90: Hat Cauthon
In our efforts to ignore the actual events of chapters 27 and 28, we discussed Rambo Tactics, Diablo Ex Machina, Rows and Cravens, Gaul's (Correct) Priorities, and whether there's a Florida equivalent in Wheel of Time.
Episode 91: Anyway, That Was Tubthumping
This episode is a a bit short, just like the lives of Perrin's three dozen family members. For chapters 29 and 30, we talk about Cenn Buoy, Nynaeve's Greek Goddess Birth, the Toxic Monogamy Godzilla, and Litigation Phobia.
Episode 92: Lord Luc’s Lifehacks
For some reason we are discussing THREE Perrin chapters, which is just too much (31, 32, and 33). Suggested talking points: Optical Illusion Height, Ghost Perrin, Charles Dickens Propaganda, Casting Wil al'Seen, and Hairy Kit-Kats.
Episode 93: RSVP to the Breaking of the Aiel
For chapters 34 and 35, we discuss the Tarantino Return from Rhuidean, Yeet Punctuation, Rand's Mermaid Arms, Mat's Duolingo Owl Energy, and, of course, we figure out yet again how to fix Wheel of Time. (Hint: Weekend at Bernie's.)
Episode 94: ARE YOU NOT HORNY?!
To make up for our time off, here's an extra-long episode, half of which is about the books we read on vacation. The other half tackles topics like Flip-Floppiest Boy, Bullsh*t Bobby, Tall Stink Man, Himbo Gawyn, and Thom vs. the TSA. Chapters 36 and 37.
Episode 95: Everybody Needs a Water Criminal
Chapters 38 and 39 are holding us hostage. The demands for our safe return? Delete Carridin and Liandrin's Evil Girl Band. Tell us why Juilin is in the plot. Don't do a violence. And please, for the love of God, let all witchcraft trials be decided by sharks.
Episode 96: Purr-gatory
In this episode, which does technically cover the content of chapters 40-42, the unstoppable force of "Cats" met the immovable object of our hatred of Perrin. So while we barely talked about Wheel of Time, we do feel better, and that's what matters. Happy New Year.
Episode 97: Loial’s Lethal Eyebrows
In another trio of Perrin chapters (43-45), we pull ourselves together long enough to talk about Ladder-Looking Lads, Egg Mom, Himbo Solidarity, Big Bard Energy, and Horse Therapy. We also cast One Direction for, what, the ninth time?
Episode 98: ROXANNE!
For chapters 46-47, we couldn't talk about the Breaking of the White Tower without reviewing the Papal Schism, right? And hey, how come so many ding-dang buildings are breaking? Also up for discussion: U2 Stockholm Syndrome, Texan Seanchan, the Paradox of Queering, Logain's Later Days, and Man Batteries.
Episode 99: Air Criminal
Arguably the best part of this episode is the listener-submitted sign-off. (Thanks, Gavin!) That said, our coverage of ch. 48-50 does bring up discussion topics like the Montage-ologue, PhDs in Swords, Roofmistress Throw-Down, and Hozier's WoT Rewrite.
Episode 100: Badonkahonkamungos
Can you believe you've listened to 100 episodes of this buffoonery? We can't! To celebrate, we asked our friends and listeners to talk about Wheel of Time, because they're funnier than us anyway. Discussion topics: Implausible Nynaeve AU, G-Brothers, Relephant, Cat Cooties Kazoo, and Ran or Land?
Episode 101: EARN THE EGG
Finally, over 100 episodes in, we've learned that maybe we should just listen to our listeners. For chapters 51 and 52, we rant about Hard Lines and the Romeo Nazi and discuss the David Beckham Sleeping Fetish and the Only Thing That Can Kill Sally.
Episode 102: The Slayer Mythos
For episodes 53 and 56, we celebrate Robert Jordan's Vision of the Future: a book without Perrin. We talk about Royal Gossip Girl, the Galad Worthiness Test, Fixing Berelain, and how Perrin spits in the face of Video Game Logic.
Episode 103: Yeet the Sad Bracelets
The Two Rivers tradition of yeeting magical objects continues in chapters 54 and 55. Also making appearances: Deus Ex Bayle Domon, Shooting to Still, Justice's Carriage, and how Horribly Unsexy Murder is.
Episode 104: I Wish You Had Not Done This
The Shadow Rising is OVER, and not a second too soon. Talking points for these last two chapters include: Bible.wiki, Hbo Presents: Popes, Museum Rhetoric, Lanfear's Gollum Tits, Chekhov's Kal, and Rand's Baby Bjorn.