Episode 1: I Think There’s a Tapestry Involved?
Just two hyper-critical English majors talking some pretty big game about The Wheel of Time. We make jokes, ignore the pronunciation guide, make jokes ABOUT the pronunciation guide, and generally hate Rand. Welcome.
Episode 2: Moonwalk Into Hell
Fantasy Christmas! The perfect occasion for midnight Orc attacks. Wait, we mean Trollocs. Other topics of discussion in this episode include: alternate titles, the WoT adoption process, and Chosen One red flags.
Episode 3: Don’t Do It in the Murky Pond Water
After a lengthy discussion about “Hatchet” by Gary Paulsen and how it traumatized us, we talk about our heroes’ road trip to Baerlon, English long bows, and the importance of taking regular baths. We also realize that Randland is monoreligious, and almost have an aneurysm.
Episode 4: A Family Can Be Your Ex-Babysitter
In Episode 4 we talk about our country bumpkins’ first time in a city — well, a “city.” There’s a lot to learn in Baerlon, about inns, innkeepers, conquering dream logic, and ~The Future.~ Plus, everyone’s favorite babysitter is back!
Episode 5: Give Me More Sentient Fog
Have you ever visited a cursed city? The world is full of ’em, and so is Wheel of Time. They’re pretty interesting, and very dangerous, especially for archetypal tricksters like Mat. If you have a habit of picking up shiny things or keeping secrets from your mentor, you might be in trouble too.
Episode 6: Perrin Can Go To the Wolves, LITERALLY
Hey, are you enjoying the dynamics of this here fantasy fellowship? TOO BAD. They’re breaking up, just like every boy band ever, and who knows when we’ll get the reunion tour? (We do. It’ll be in twenty chapters. Buckle in!)
Episode 7: Do They, Like, Motorize?
We talk more about memes, kinks, and sex toys than we ever will again in this podcast. Hopefully. If you don’t think memes, kinks, and sex toys are related to werewolves, think again! So: Is Perrin a furry?
Episode 8: Ta’veren, Whatever
In this episode we take a minute (or ten) to explain why we hate Rand – though we’re also willing to admit he has some good qualities, particularly in this sequence. While Mat goes full Smeagol, we’re dealing with pirates, flute-playing, and the epic fantasy tradition of dividing magic and technology.
Episode 9: The Philosopher’s Stone? It’s Emotional Damage
In our second installment of the “Thom and His Backup Dancers: Rand and Mat” saga, we reach Whitebridge! We talk about ancient architecture, the Illian Timeline, and Thom passing on his Bard-en. Oh, and that dream sequence we completely skipped last week.
Episode 10: Petco Clickers Them Into Submission
We’re baaack! To Perrin & Egwene. Elyas, a wolf-telepathic wild man they just met, has agreed to guide them to Caemlyn, which isn’t sketchy at ALL. In this episode we talk mostly about the Tuatha’an, their real-world parallels, & how they deserve better than being a metaphor in Perrin’s inner conflict about violence.
Episode 11: Alternately, a Real Bear
We’re hanging out with the Tinkers this week, and you know what that means: a LONG conversation about sexy dancing. We also wonder about the significance of music in Wheel of Time, weigh in on the passive-aggressive war over Perrin’s axe, and worship Egwene: Flirtation Queen.
Episode 12: Tro-la-la-la-locs
We took a week off from our usual recording schedule, but never fear: we’ve still got that sweet, sweet WoT content for you. Sally listens to and reviews Robert Berry’s “A Soundtrack for the Wheel of Time,” and Emily refuses to believe that someone actually Did That. Listen along on Spotify.
Episode 13: He’s Doing Bird Math
We were both sick when we recorded this, so please excuse any coughs, sneezes, or tears that slipped through the editing process. Fittingly, we spent most of this episode talking about mercy-killing. Please, Perrin. The Mucinex isn’t working. Use your axe on us.
Episode 14: The Butt Flag
Sorry for the long episode, folks. We just got so caught up in our discussion of steddings, statues, Sting, and Galad’s tight, tight bod. Downright captivating stuff.
Episode 15: Sit on Your Laurels
We’re finally wrapping up Perrin’s points of view, which means we get to ditch the Whitecloaks! At least until book two. Discussion topics include Nynaeve seducing Lan via woodcraft, That’s How We Do on Game of Thrones, and Byar as Hannah Arendt’s “banality of evil.”
Episode 16: What Are They, Mormons?
We’re on the HIIIIGHWAAAY TO HELL. Or Caemlyn, or whatever. This week we’re joining Rand and Mat as they spread the gleeman’s gospel with a bunch of farmers and inn patrons. There’s cow whispering. There’s deus ex machina. Most of all, there’s the power of friendship.
Episode 17: It’s Better Than Nothing
WELCOME TO SAD KITCHEN. WE’RE ALL SAD HERE.
Episode 18: From the Chin Down
The boys are off the road and straight into Basel Gill’s downtown hotel for wayward and semi-demonically-possessed teens. We talk about arbitrary political decisions, Thom’s loan sharks, and how Loial is the world’s most precious and perfect boy.
Episode 19: Where Did the Water Go?
We spent the last ten minutes of this episode Googling that whole Luc/Isam thing that Robert Jordan never really explained. Other discussion topics this week include Galad Appreciation, Thom IS The Entree, and Sally Puts Emily On Blast.
Episode 20: That is NOT Dope
We’ve now recorded twenty episodes of this podcast, which is crazy. Fittingly, we meet about twenty more main characters in this section, most of whom we hate. At least Galad is there!
Episode 21: xBrian
This is the episode where we Fix Wheel of Time. Of course Rand is in a coma, Mat is illiterate, and everything is gayer, but we also devote about four hundred percent more screen time to the most underrated character in the series: Lamgwin’s cat.
Episode 22: Hand al’Thor
This episode got a little out of . . . hand. Ha ha! Just a little hand joke for you, about ten books too early for puns like these. But seriously, we should have been talking about the Ways, and instead we complained about this book’s weird plot. So it goes.
Episode 23: Magic Space Hell
In this episode we talk about our heroes’ journey through the Ways, but more importantly, we also discuss Mentor Resumes, Edgelord Loial, the Best Shark Attack, Village Idiots, the Shared Kirby Air Ride Consciousness, and Egg Head.
Episode 24: Perrin…Took a Different Class
Like Lan’s entire country of origin, the entire twenty-minute intro of this episode was deleted. It’s fine. This episode is weird enough without it. We talk about Chumbawamba: Portal Guardians, our gay uncle Agelmar, and the academic AU.
Episode 25: Jude Law
This is not actually episode 24 as Sally claims it is, but episode 25 where we discuss such important things as the curse of Laura Ingalls Wilder, Just Pure Magic™, what it means to DTR in the Mad Max desert, and Wheel of Time’s most important character: Jude Law.
Episode 26: BIG BATTLE LADY
Hey there, welcome to our season finale! It’s longer and crazier than usual as we wrap up the Eye of the World – discussion topics include Chop-Chop Guy, the Frequency of Cliffs, everyone’s Signature Drinks, and Sally’s bold argument in favor of Mat’s sociopathy.
Q&A Episode: Wot?!
You have questions, and we have answers, on every topic imaginable, from Emily’s less-than-stellar academic career to books as murder weapons to Jude Law’s true place in the Wheel of Time-verse. Thanks for the questions!
EHR Extra: The Sagittarius-est to Ever Sagittarii
With Sally out of town, this week Emily is joined by guest co-host Cambria Hobbs, our Wheel of Time progenitor and resident astrology expert. We tackle topics like Rand’s so-called sex appeal, Gawyn’s Gemini-ness, and Robert Jordan’s whole anti-birthday thing.