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Episode 164: Sammael’s Inglorious Death
We're back and reading the Crown of Swords! By way of introduction, we talk about Ghost Horses, Throwing Tropes at the Wall, Lady Saruman, the Magic People Saturation Point, Darrell K. Sweet's Sensory Deprivation Chamber, and an ... unsettling Lews Therin casting.
Episode 165: Would You Sacrifice the Hottest Man in the World?
The CoS prologue is dense, and so is this episode. We talk about the Hubris of Towers, the Fisher King, RJ's oblique references to "The Vileness," Gawyn's Telescope, the Anti-Balwer, and Little Popes.
Episode 166: Murder is Bad, Duh
The first two chapters of Crown of Swords are pretty, well ... bad. We discuss Rand and Perrin's inability to make different decisions, the Aragorn Filter, Paul Bettany's Bum, the Magical Honor System, and Rand's Gender-Neutral Pervert Radar.
Episode 167: France, France
Our coverage of ch. 3-5 is day-old and stale, like the croissants paving the streets of Fantasy France. Due to an Audacity tragedy, we'll never have a joke as good as "I Went Through the Human Meat Grinder, and All I Got Was This T-Shirt" again, but we do our best.
Episode 168: Rand’s Errands Three
Chapters 6-7 force us to ask a lot of questions: Is Aram trying to "Single White Woman" Perrin? What is Rand's third errand? Why is he the human embodiment of a c*ck block? Does he really think the Asha'man (and Mat) are just glorified pigeons?
Episode 169: "It's Over, Anakin! I Have the Ethical High Ground!"
Among other things, ch. 8-10 showed us how the Human Meat Grinder can be tracked directly back to Merana Losing Her Job. Other talking points include: CSI: Crecky's Garage, Daddy Satan, and the Forsaken Softball Competition.
Episode 170: Bimbic Inspiration
Sorry, the first 20 minutes of this are just a trip to Bummer Town. But hey, that's ch. 11-12. We also talk about Halima's Headache Weave, Dastardly Men, Blackmailing the Pope, and Getting Warders a Forever Home.
Episode 171: Elayne and Nynaeve Go to Clown College
We discuss everything about ch. 13-15. Everything: Nynaeve's Egg Complex, Dumb and Dumper Cops, the Blatant Racism in Aviendha's Point of View, Mat's Boyfriendz Group Chat, and who could forget Crunchy Munchy, the Court Jester?
Episode 172: Mat's Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Eleven Days
With ch. 16-17, we wonder where all the ambassadors are, how many human years are in an Aes Sedai year, and who that mysterious note came from. Mat just tries to get a waffle.
Episode 173: Only Real Ones Remember Cha-Cha
We're joined by long-time friend and WoT progenitor Cambria Valente to talk about ch. 18-19! Dicussion points include: Bisexual Chairs, Robot Jordan, F*cking on Broken Glass, and Berelain's Yelp Reviews.
Episode 174: Critically Acclaimed Sex Dungeon
Ch. 20-21 are all about cubes, cubes, cubes. We also call Sammael a Silly Little Goose, wonder where all the assassins are, and question Jordan's portrayal of one-sided loyalty in his so-called "friendships."
Episode 175: Sharks and Vagrants
After our week off, we're pouring one out for the late, great Gary Paulsen. May Valhalla welcome you, Gary. We also discuss ch. 22-24, including debilitating Aes Sedai fetishes, how unnecessary the Kin are, and the latent misogyny of Nynaeve and Elayne's incompetence.
Episode 176: Mean Little Opinions Everywhere
Ch. 25-27 are not fun! They forced us to explain morality, if that tells you anything. Discussion topics include: Not Like the Other Myrddraal, Oscar Winner Rand al'Thor, Hit in the Face by a Plot Building, and the AU Where Grady's Wife Murders Mazrim Taim.
Episode 177: No Crickets Were Harmed in the Making of this Podcast
Please be mindful of the content warnings: In discussing ch. 28-29, we talk about sexual assault and domestic violence. Skip this one if you need to, and we'll catch you next time!
Links:
South Valley Services Domestic Violence 101
Donate to South Valley Services
Episode 178: A Side of Skeleton
This short-ish episode is brought to you by Shake Shack's Bag of Bones! For ch. 30-31, we talk about how Slapping (the Gender Inverse of Spanking), Teens in Charge, being Horny for Caligula, and Emily's Outlander Betrayal. As always, Love Wins.
Episode 179: The Tallest Man Is in Charge
This episode includes some upsetting noises, and we're not just talking about every time Min opens her mouth. Ch 32-34 also include: Elaida Failing Upward, Sick History, Lollipops, and the Most '90s Feminism You've Ever Seen.
Episode 180: Dickmaster 3000
Isn't it nice that the Dragon Reborn can't ever be killed because he's so tall and good at swords? Anyway, ch. 35-36 are bad. We talk about Francine Herbert, Magazine Cutout Women, and MVP Darlin. Also, Viva la Revolution.
Episode 181: Top Ten Heroic Mat Moments
In ch. 37-38, Robert Jordan really tries to drag us into his sexism by making his female characters the absolute worst. Embroider this on a throw pillow: "Women don't have brains; they have babies."
Episode 182: NO BONES?!
This episode has no bones! Ha ha, no, that's just a funny joke. It's that dang gholam that's got no bones. For ch. 39-40, we also talk about a Lot of Twos, the Sorority from Hell, and the Artful Dodger Picking Olver up from Day Care.
Episode 183: No Body, No Dead
For our season finale of Crown of Swords, we talk about how Sammael Beefed It, Sexism on Top of Sexism, Sentient Sock Puppets, the Sexual Tension Between Rand and Moridin, Deus ex Liah, and the Ideal Short King Threesome. It's a real party.