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Episode 134: Indigenous Peoples’ Day Special Episode
We haven't worked up the courage to face Lord of Chaos yet, so we decided to discuss how (and if!) indigenous people are represented in Wheel of Time. We also laugh for, like, ten minutes at the word "moo-nionizing."
Episode 135: It’s All Bad
Welcome to season six! The title says it all. We get halfway through the prologue of Lord of Chaos, discussing Pop Culture Neo, Who Needs to Be Guillotined, The Dark One Firing Demandred, and Rand's Revolving Door of Women.
Episode 136: The Forsaken Reality TV
Apologies for the low volume as we adjust to a new recording space. We finish the prologue by discussing John Travlota Rand, Alternate Lord of Chaos Titles, D-d-damn Daniel, Bad Decision-Making in the Royal House of Andor, and Rand's Monarchy (But Make It Bigger).
Episode 137: 9-1-1 Bishop
We're getting sued by Shrek for our coverage of chapters 1 and 2. Discussion points include: Bashere's Erotic Energy, Tybalt the Fartful Dodger, Mazrim Taim Slip 'n' Slide, and a War Crimes-Shaped Cookie Cutter. Uh, sorry?
Episode 138: Recreational Horse Stunts
For chapters 3-4, we talk about Cricket Player Douchebaggery, Weaponizing Toxic Masculinity (and Toxic Femininity!), Mazrim Taim's School for Deranged War Criminals, and how Famine Has Control of Boston. Now with better audio quality!
Episode 139: Hypothetical Game of Thrones Writers Trolley Problem
Ch. 5-6 are good and bad. Bad because of the Human Circus, the Short Bastard Man, and the Whitest Woman to Ever White. Good because of the Dark One's Candy Mountain and Mat's OT4. Are themes just for eighth graders and wimps? You be the judge.
Episode 140: Sprinkle in Some Torture Porn
Oh, Lord of Chaos, asking the big questions, like, "Is torture still bad even when the people getting tortured are annoying?" Yes, actually! For ch. 7-8, we discuss Fantasy Ambien, Demandred's Evil Laugh, Editorial Conflict of Interest, and Salidar Video Game Glitching.
Episode 141: Sexy Gholam
This episode, covering ch. 9-10, includes some of our hottest takes: Idris Elba should be in a "Hatchet" movie. Unlike Pedron Niall, at least Rand has a to-do list. Everyone is bad at Minecraft. And Bashere is a master of emotional curb-stomping.
Episode 142: Enchanted by the Pringles
This episode (ch. 11-12) is short only because we had to delete our Top Five Sexiest Anime Men discussion. Uncut are our talks about Brandy on the Binky, Mazrim Taim's Second Location, CSI: Caemlyn, the Boys-Throwing-Rocks Instinct, and Theodrin, Queen of Staying in Her Lane.
Episode 143: Traveling Corn on the Cob Salesman
Our entire podcast might be one big foible, but at least we're not Aes Sedai dropouts. For ch. 13-14, we discuss Kool-Aid Man Tarna Feir, Nynaeve's Foreshadowing Bucket, and everything wrong with Gawyn's Toxic Dream Fantasy (it's a lot).
Episode 144: Stopcough Herb
Welcome to 2021! We think Halwin Norry should be Queen of Andor. Other controversial topics from ch. 15-16 include Pillows of Fiber, Gawyn's Sim Sex Dreams, Egg-ucation, and how Salidar is just Plot Purgatory.
Episode 145: Fanny Pack of Clif Bars
In ch. 17-18, we're asking hard questions, like: What if Berelain was a mentor to Egg? What if Rand used creative problem-solving? Where does Juilin put the thieves he catches? And which fruit WAS it, actually, in the Garden of Eden?
The Lost Tapes: Episode 146
Hi, everyone! This isn't a full-length episode, and the info covered here can also be found on our Instagram. This is mostly meant for anyone who might be listening after the release date and doesn't want to scroll through social media to get the deets. Thanks for being cool!
Episode 147: “The Swiss Army Knife of Buttholes”
During ch. 22-23, Emily has no idea what's going on (as usual). But seriously, where's all this going? Where's the pay-off to this set-up? We need Poirot Cauthon on the case. At least we have Olver's rock resume to keep us going.
Episode 148: Mostly Ferris Wheel Stuff
Have you ever wondered if there's any WoT content on Pornhub? Don't worry, Sally will look it up. Talking points for ch. 24-25 include: Aiel Copycat Murderers, Eggy Phantom, Gawyn's Traveling Frat House, and Charming White Man (Derogatory).
Episode 149: Pope Shark
Who or what is Pope Shark, and what does it have to do with Wheel of Time? Well, nothing. But for ch. 26-27, we also talk about Bashere's Tik Tok Account, Rand's Analysis Paralysis, Spotting Mormons in the Wild, and Magic Goosebumps (Tingling Saidar Senses).
Episode 150: The Worst Man You Know
In our coverage of ch. 28, we remind Rand and his Goldfish Brain about Diplomacy (Get Some). We also commission a Lews Therin Motivational Poster and remind you: Don't Be Anthony.
CW: This episode discusses the sexual assault that happens in this chapter.
Episode 151: Dominating Friends and Manipulating People
Unsurprisingly, ch. 29-30, set in Salidar, absolutely suck. We discuss Freud's Wet Dream (Thom and Elayne), Nynaeve Being a gOoD LiTtLe wOmAn, Equal Opportunity Sluts, and we demand to know: Where Are the Vineyards?
TW: Aran'gar
Episode 152: Spiritually in a McDonald’s
There's a lot going on in ch. 31-33. We visit the Questioner Cathedral, explain why you Can't Drown a Mermaid, learn the Secret to the Female Orgasm (it's a car crash), sell Mat an On-Fire Iron Flute, and Explore the Inherent Eroticism of Gazing at One's Sword. You're welcome?
Episode 153: Astral Projection of a Horse
So these ones are bad. Chapters 34-35 are just real stinkers. We'll talk about why -- hint: the rampant transphobia and misogyny -- but luckily we'll also talk about some Jesus Lore and cap the episode with every horse name we can remember.
CW: discussions of transphobia, Aran'gar
Episode 154: Egg! Egg! Egg! Egg!
As the tax man cometh, so do ch. 36-37. We discuss the classist implications of the Perfect Servant Trope, Egwene's Zero-to-Sixty Leadership Competence versus Rand's Parabola of Competence to Insanity, and we ask once again: Why doesn't Elayne just GO to Andor?
Episode 155: That Lying Skank, Laritha
Chs. 38-40 teach us some valuable lessons about women's agency and some not-so-valuable lessons about how all women are liars and idiots. Thanks, RJ. Other talking points: Mat's Dump Was Charisma, Egg's Dozen, and Totally Benign Knife-Sharpening.
Episode 156: Made of Water Bottles
In chapters 41-42, Min spends a whole chapter acting like a 10th grader, Rand doesn't understand why The Farm sounds so ominous, and Mazrim Taim is humiliated when his mortal enemy puts some Girl Scout badges on him. Bonus topic: Deprogramming the Asha'man.
Episode 157: If Talmanes Had a Gun
This episode is ostensibly about ch. 43-44, but at one point Sally lists every Disney Channel Original Movie that she can remember. Also discussed: Skateboarding Pervert, the Complexity of Women, Emily's Dickensian Upbringing, and Sexy Rat.
Episode 158: Vilnar the Science Guard
For ch. 45-46, we review the Sex and the City franchise (bad), talk about Aram's Bloodthirsty Stage, demand that Robert Jordan elaborate on the Kissing Rituals, and discuss CSI: Saldaea and Slap Tuesday.
Episode 159: Ofgayle
For ch. 47-48, we talk about Playing Coma, Ebou Dar's fairy tale qualities (and, on that note, Mat's new movie, Untangled), how the Whitecloaks Should All Be Played by the Same Guy, and how spotting Carridin is like seeing Ted Cruz.
Episode 160: Love Geometry
In chapters 49 and 50, the Salidar embassy uses Big Gandalf Magic, Rand forces everyone to Evacuate Caemlyn, Hashtag Bully Lives Matter, Aes Sedai use the Bloody Mary Rule, and our printer is a Romanceable NPC. Enjoy!
Episode 161: 2 Dragon 2 Born
Discussion points for ch. 51-52 include: Kidnapping Slam Dunk, Rand's Incel Vibes and his "Big Mommy Milkers" (thanks, TikTok), the Virgin Age, Snickers Commercial Lan, and the ongoing need for a Warder Therapy Hotline.
Episode 162: Travel-Sized Guillotine
This episode might get us canceled. For ch. 53-54, we talk about Teen Wolf Disease (Not Lycanthropy), Perrin's Mood Ring Nose, the Lobotomy Tent, how to Team Lift Your Marriage, and Shaido: Clone Wars.
Episode 163: Daddy’s Little War Criminal
Lord of Chaos is finally over! Discussion topics of ch. 55 and the epilogue include: Emily's Last Words, the Faceless Horde of the Shaido, Magic Meat Grinder, the Sliding Scale of Ethics in Magic Warfare, and the ultimate question: Cannon or Gedwyn?